My Independence

My dad knew when I was young that I was going to be an independent one. I think it was about the time I started walking. Growing up, my mom would always get mad that I would never check in with her when I was out. When I turned 16 and could drive, I got a job at the Sbarro in the mall so that I wouldn't have to answer to my parents as to how I was spending my money (not that I'm frivolous by any means, my mom taught me to shop the sales well.) I don't like being micromanaged at work (thankfully I'm not) and like to come and go as I please. I knew I had outgrown my ex when I knew he would start questioning why lately I seemed to want to do something or not.

I love my husband incredibly and I think there is no one better for me than him but my inner independence struggles sometimes with the fact that I do have to run things by someone else. If I want to buy something significant, say a very nice bike, I can't just pay for it and take it home. Well, I mean, I could but my guilt gets the best of me. (There goes our favorite "G" word, T!) I'd say that we are a fairly independent couple. Even at home we do our own things and we have no problem with the other one going out and being social without the other one but again I feel rather guilty if I'm out too long (unless it's one of those things that is understood will take a while) or I'm buying something as I'm clearly the shopper in this relationship. He's never complained about these things either but I feel guilty anyway.

It's not that I don't love my parents and my husband and everyone else I should answer to, it's just that answering to people is not something I think of right off the bat. I could see it being rather discourteous that I don't think of these people while making decisions. I'm not use to having to negotiate and I realize that's been fairly selfish of me. How did I manage to go this long without having to do so? Well, to the point that I actually notice it? But I'm not inconsiderate truly, I am just use to doing things my way and not being questioned. I am truly blessed to be with people that allow me to be who I am and to be able to afford to do the things that I like to do. I guess the fact that I do feel guilty means that I'm not a horrible, inconsiderate person after all . . . at least a little bit.


OMG, you are NOT NOT NOT a bad person. You work REALLY hard and make good deserve nice things. Especially certain things that are NEEDED for your HOBBY.


K, love you. ;)

7:41 PM  

Nice to know an independent can adjust and be happy with an 'other'! I think the guilt is you recognizing who you are, and without it, you couldn't appreciate him as much.

That's just my two cents. :)

3:22 AM  

I like the way you ladies think. :D

9:31 AM  

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